COUPLES SANS SOUCI | Get The Best Rates to Couples Sans Souci >>

Tropical elegance awaits you at the luxurious Couples Sans Souci, nestled in stunning Ocho Rios, Jamaica. Sans Souci emerges majestically from the cliffs of Jamaica’s emerald mountains.

Here, stone pathways tumble past tropical greenery to a breathtaking experience of opal sand beaches and the azure Caribbean Sea. A kaleidoscope of pastels, exotic birds, winding walkways and natural mineral springs complement this truly elegant resort. Unparalleled spa treatments, renowned cuisine, first-class service and rich ambience make this all-inclusive resort the ultimate setting for a romantic getaway.

ALL INCLUSIVE

As an all-inclusive resort, everything is taken care of in your overall package, including all meals, snacks (including the mini-bar), premium brand cocktails and beverages, unlimited use of sports facilities, including equipment rental and instruction, waterskiing, recreational activities, hotel taxes and airport transfers from Montego Bay [MBJ] with no tipping of Couples staff allowed. No hidden surprises.

Wining and dining at any one of our three highly acclaimed restaurants or five uniquely exotic bars is included in the rate of your stay at the Couples Sans Souci. And if you’d prefer to enjoy cocktails or an intimate meal in the privacy of your own suite, Couples Sans Souci’s In-Suite dining is also included.

In addition to finely appointed accommodations, gourmet meals, live entertainment every night, premium brand drinks, a world of water sports, gratuities and taxes, a stay at Couples Sans Souci offers the following exclusive benefits:

•    35 acres of beautiful beachfront property
•    150 romantic rooms & suites
•    Four unique restaurants and in room service
•    Casanova classic Italian cuisine
•    Palazzina bistro fare
•    Bella Vista Jamaican cuisine
•    Beach Grill
•    In room service
•    Six bars
•    Watersports & Scuba
•    Glass-bottom boat tours
•    Dunn’s River Falls tour
•    Trip To Margaritaville
•    Shopping Shuttle to Island Village
•    Unlimited Golf (transfers and green fees included. Caddy mandatory at a nominal charge)

ACCOMMODATIONS | Get The Best Rates to Couples Sans Souci >>

All of the 150 luxury suites at Couples Sans Souci face the ocean and most feature terraces or balconies. Nestled among the gorgeous tropical island vegetation, each of the suites offers all the amenities and options you could ask for.

* Air conditioning
* Cable Television
* AM/FM Radio & CD Player
* Alarm Clock
* Direct Dial Telephone
* Hair Dryer
* Iron & Ironing Board
* In-Room Safe
* Mini-Bar
* In Suite Dining
* Coffee Maker

Ocean Suites

Decorated in soft hues of blue and white, large master bedrooms with either a king-sized bed or 2 twin beds and a comfortable sitting area.

Verandah Suites

These spacious master bedroom suites have large balconies overlooking the tranquil Caribbean waters. They are furnished with either a king-sized bed or two twin beds and some have spacious walk-in showers.

Ocean Suites with Balcony

All of these Mediterranean-style rooms have large master bedrooms, ample separate living rooms, balconies, and panoramic ocean views. Available with either a king-sized bed or 2 twin beds, and some have spacious walk-in showers.

One Bedroom Beachfront Jacuzzi Suites

These favorite rooms feature our trademark Tropical décor in hues of pink and green. All have intimate sitting areas separate from the master bedroom. From either a balcony or patio, all have heavenly ocean front views, Jacuzzi, and stand-up shower. Most of these suites feature king-sized beds, while a few have twin beds available by request.

Penthouse Suites

Laid before the sparkling blue ocean, these one bedroom and two bedroom suites live up to their reputations — posh living rooms, spacious walk-in showers, elegant bedrooms, king size beds and large balconies with majestic views. Each of these suites is uniquely decorated in Couples Sans Souci’s refined Mediterranean style.

The Hibiscus Cottage

Nestled behind a sculpted hedge of Bougainvillea and situated cliff side overlooking the Caribbean Sea, The Hibiscus Cottage is the ultimate secluded hideaway. This one-of-a-kind accommodation features a private outdoor Jacuzzi, spacious living room with flat screen TV, large master bedroom and a bathroom suite with spacious walk-in shower and Jacuzzi tub for two. There is even a separate room which may be used for private en-suite massage treatments if desired.

DINING & RESTAURANTS | Get The Best Rates to Couples Sans Souci >>

Couples Sans Souci has earned high marks for its magnificent cuisine, prepared by award-winning chefs and served with gracious hospitality and an ever-present smile. Dining is indeed a special treat at Couples Sans Souci, from gourmet dishes in the white-glove Ristorante Casanova to delicious fresh-made bistro dishes at Palazzina Restaurant to jerk chicken and spicy Jamaican specialties at our beachside Bella Vista. Choose from a wide selection in a buffet style setting for breakfast and lunch; and for dinner enjoy a delicious a la carte menu.

The only thing that will never vary at our restaurants is the quality. It is always excellent. Always the best. The weekly Jamaican Beach Party is a cultural medley of colors, music and traditional delicacies, while the Friday Night Starlight Gala is a spectacular culinary showcase.

Couples Sans Souci chefs have won more culinary awards than their contemporaries at any other resort in the Caribbean. Our chefs are trained in European, French, Italian, Caribbean and Continental Cuisine. The 2005 Conde Nast Gold List ratings ranked our dining experience as the best of any resort not only in Ocho Rios, but in all of Jamaica.

Restaurants

Ristorante Casanova
The words “La Dolce Vita”-living with passion, surrounding oneself with the resplendent… aptly describe the new menu and surroundings at this marvelous restaurant that is well-known throughout all of Jamaica. The varied menu is a “fantasia selection” of classic Italian cuisine taken from the hills of Tuscany to the craggy cliffs of Sicily. Modern and traditional Italian dishes mix with a dash of Marco Polo discoveries. The rack of lamb, tinged with a light peppercorn crust and served with a Rosemary jus is one small sample of how the inventive menu balances with such classic Italian pasta entrees as a mouth-watering Luchesse Calzoncini, stuffed with ricotta cheese and garlic spinach.

Required

* Ladies Dress Code: “Semi-Formal”
* Gentlemen Dress Code: Collar shirt, pants, dress/closed shoes
* Jeans, flip flops, shorts, t-shirts and open toe shoes will not be accepted
* Reservations Required

Palazzina Restaurant
Hearty bistro fare from around the world is featured here in a festive sea breeze setting. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the food includes both buffet and table service and ranges from fresh omelets to coconuts to escargot. The fun is in the bold mix of bistro-style sauces to wasabi on grilled vegetables. Always served by a warm and smiling staff, you will certainly enjoy your time spent at Palazzina either inside or on our wonderful terrace. But, make sure to save room for our delectable dessert selection from our pastry chef who was named “Best in Jamaica” in 2004. Dinner reservation required.

Bella Vista
is where one goes to have a moonlit dinner right on the beach. Soothed by melodies of our traditional Jamaican Mento Band, the delicious menu of authentic Jamaican specialties and unequalled atmosphere makes this spot a favorite among guests. Casual dress, no reservations required.

Beach Grill
serves Jamaican-style gourmet hamburgers and other grilled specialties from 12:00pm until 5pm and from 11pm to 6am. under the bright blue Ocho Rios sky. Bare feet and bathing suits are welcome.

BARS

The Balloon Bar

is a piano bar and lounge designed to put even the most worrisome minds at ease. Drift into the melodies over a glass of bubbly.

Charlie’s Spa Bar

is a full service bar featuring natural health juices like carrot and celery as well as more traditional favorites.

The Beach Bar

is where refreshing cocktails meet oceanic paradise. There is nothing like sipping a margarita, digging your toes into white gleaming sand and beholding Caribbean blue waves lapping onto the Jamaican coast.

The Swim-up Bar

is luxury at its finest. Sipping a drink of choice from a crystal blue pool.

Sunset Bar

This au naturel beach, pool and swim up bar is designed for the free spirited.

THE SPA AT SANS SOUCI | Get The Best Rates to Couples Sans Souci >>

Charlie’s Spa is Couples Sans Souci’s complete tropical-style facility, and has earned praise as one of the best spas in all of the Caribbean from numerous publications, critics, travel guides and, most importantly, our guests. The spa took its name from “Charlie,” a friendly resident sea turtle. More than 100 years old, Charlie lives in the mineral spring grotto that bubbles up from beneath the resort, spouting rejuvenating waters that rival the great natural mineral springs of Europe.

Our mineral waters are the source from which our popularity first sprang forth. As far back as the 1700s, the mineral springs on the Couples Sans Souci property have been cited in Jamaican history books as excellent for maintaining health and renewing romantic energy. For generations, people from nearby villages would congregate on Sundays, lining up for the entire day to take their dip into the mineral spring with the curious curative powers.

Today, Charlie’s Spa offers a complete array of revitalizing and pampering treatments to relax and tone the body, mind and soul.

In addition to possessing one of the Caribbean’s finest spas, we also boast a 24-hour fitness center, complete with an indoor gym stocked with the latest in aerobics equipment, exercise machines and free weights. We also offer classes in aerobics, yoga, aquacize, Pilates and meditation. The mineral pool is right by the gym if you want to go for an energizing dip. And if you can’t decide what your best workout is, personal trainers are available to assist you in developing a fitness plan.

Premium Spa Services:  ( From $35 – $300 )

Hydra 4 Facial
55 minute treatment
A soothing facial treatment designed for sensitive skin based on olive oil and seaweed to hydrate, nourish and boost the immunity of the skin.

Hydra Dew Express Lift Moisture Facial
45 minute treatment
A hydrating facial treatment designed for dry skin, based on water Lilly, willow herb and seaweed to boost the hydration in the skin.

Seaweed Facial
45 minute treatment
Exposure to the sun, pollution and daily grime leaves the skin sensitive and dehydrated in need of anti-free radical protection. Anti-oxidant rich seaweed to the rescue! Your skin is left clean, refreshed and healthy with radiance. Suitable for all skin types.

Rapidex Renewal Facial
50 minute treatment
A re-texturizing treatment for dry or sun damaged skin. This treatment will eliminate fine lines and even out skin tone. French seaweed provides a gentile marine hydroxy acid that is combined with natural alpha hydroxyl acid to exfoliate and renew, leaving the skin supple and youthful.

Vita-Cura 5 Facial
75 minute treatment
Provides an instant trigger to younger looking skin. An enzymatic micro-peel helps to uncover a vibrant complexion. Preserves elasticity, improves oxygenation and promotes cell renewal. A true alternative to surgical rejuvenation.

Sea Oxygen Facial
45 minute treatment
A unique facial treatment incorporating fresh seaweed extracts and pure oxygen to hydrate, heal and regenerate the skin. The treatment is finished with a seaweed mask that enables hydration and nourishment of the skin.

Four Layer Facial
60 minute treatment
“The best facial of the century…” Experience layer upon layer of pure fresh seaweed to rejuvenate, tone and help firm the skin. Two grand massages will soothe and then enjoy a cool aqua green seaweed mask followed by a warm mineral rich thermal mask. The result, a healthier younger looking skin nourished with visible moisture.

Ten Step Four Layer Facial
75 minute treatment
“Anti-aging elucidation…” with deep pore cleansing.
This facial has all the benefits of the world’s most famous Four Layer Facial with additional deep pore cleansing and exfoliation to rid the skin of comedones. This anti-aging treatment will leave your skin clean and refreshed.

Gentleman’s Facial
50 minute treatment
A relaxing treatment that begins with a deep cleansing utilizing products and techniques uniquely designed for men’s skin. This is the ultimate antidote for the man on the move.

Pure Skin Facial
50 minute treatment
Acne appears in various types and stages. To effectively treat problem skin we take a holistic approach to treat acne. We incorporate the finest ingredients from the earth and sea.

Purifying Back Facial
50 minute treatment
Relax, rejuvenate and enjoy the benefits of cleansed, toned and moisturized skin in this hard to reach area. Treatment begins with a brisk exfoliation and ends with a customized mask. Perfect for those bothered with oily / acne conditions.

Milk and Honey Wrap
50 minute treatment
This wrap is recommended for those who want to glow. The milk and honey solution is applied to the body followed by a thermal wrapping which allows the moisture to penetrate the skin leaving it silky and soft.

Aroma Algae Wrap
50 minute treatment
Using the therapeutic power of warm aromatic seaweed, this treatment stimulates the body to rid itself of toxins that can cause cellulite. Your service begins with a dry body brushing followed by an algae application and thermal wrapping. After rinsing off the treatment ends with a light massage with aromatic body balms.

Peppermint Sea Twist
50 minute treatment
Stimulates and detoxifies the body by ridding it of accumulated toxins while also slimming and contouring the body. Hydrates and nourishes, oxygenates and improves circulation. An aromatic body shaping treatment that can be used on the entire body or on specific areas.

Coconut Milk Rub 25
25 minute treatment
Previously enjoyed only by the island’s royalty, this ancient beauty ritual with fresh shredded coconut will delight the senses and leave your body satiny soft.

Sea Spa Glow
25 minute treatment
Energizes and exfoliates, stimulates and detoxifies, for dry, coarse lifeless skin, also prevents ingrown hair.

Pineapple Polish 50
50 minute treatment
Our preferred exfoliating treatment that combines freshly harvested pineapple and fruit enzymes to gently exfoliate and smooth even the most sensitive skin.

Honey Body Polish
25 minute treatment
Removes dead skin cells, hydrates and rebalances the skin. Recommended for all ages, and anti-aging body treatment, for sun damages and dehydrated skin, great before self- tanning.

Le Melange – Our Signature Treatment
80 / 120 minute treatment
Incorporating a mixture of eastern and western techniques to restore, renew and transport you to a stat of supreme bliss.

Wellbeing Massage
25 / 50 minute treatment
This classic relaxing massage utilizes gentile Swedish techniques to relax the body and provide a feeling of tranquility.

Ocean Massage
25 / 50 minute treatment
Lose yourself as you listen to the rhythm of the waves gently caressing the face of the cliffs. Let your senses soar as you and that special someone enjoy a romantic Couples Massage. Our experienced therapists with the tantalizing combination of soothing aromatic mineral oils and healing hands will chase your cares away.

Aromatherapy Massage
25 / 50 minute treatment
This journey combines the senses of touch and smell. Your treatment commences with a personal selection of aromas that will enhance the experience.

Deep Tissue Massage
50 / 80 minute treatment
An intensified version of the Swedish classic, using strong and precise strokes to work out knots and deep muscle tension.

Natural Stone Massage
60 / 80 minute treatment
Melt away tension as river stones transformed in the hands of your therapist glide over your anointed body.

Couples Massage
25 / 50 minute treatment
Enjoy side by side massages in the privacy of our couples cabanas as you and your partner or friend are simultaneously massaged by two therapists.

Sole Revival Massage
50 minute treatment
The ancient oriental massage method applies pressure to points on the feet that correspond to specific parts of the body. The technique promotes relaxation, soothes the soles and restores balance to the body.

Shirodhara Scalp Massage
25 / 50 minute treatment
In this treatment a continuous stream of warm oil is allowed to flow effortlessly over the third eye, claming the mind and balancing the emotions. The nourishing oils are then massaged into the hair and scalp.

Restaway
2 hour treatment
Almond Body Glow, Wellbeing Massage and Cleansing Facial

Sneakaway
2 hour treatment
Deep Tissue Stone Massage, Shirodhara Scalp Treatment and Gentleman’s Facial

Tuckaway
3 hour treatment
De-Stress Back Massage, Ultimate Facial, Milk and Honey Wrap and
Sole Revival Massage

Faraway (For Couples)
3 hour treatment
Couples Massage, 2 Scalp Massages, 2 Pineapple Polishes, 2 Spa Manicures and
2 Spa Pedicures

Hideaway
6 hour treatment
Mandarin Body Polish, Seaweed Body Wrap, Le Melange Massage, Champagne Facial, Spa Lunch, Spa Manicure, Spa Pedicure and Shampoo & Set

Driftaway
2 hour treatment
Island Coffee Glow, Sea Twist Body Wrap and Deep Tissue Massage

Sea Spa Hand Treatment
50 minute treatment
Immediate, dramatic results, removes dead skin cells an anti-aging treatment which will hydrate and nourish those fingers, inclusive of a hand massage to eliminate all stress from those wobbling fingers.

Sea Spa Pedicure
50 minute treatment
Enjoy the benefits of the rejuvenation Sea Spa Pedicure. It improves blood circulation, eases tired feet, and relieves sore and aching feet leaving them soft and totally moisturized.

Spa Manicure and Pedicure
80 minute treatment
A combination of European technique with warm paraffin that detoxifies and re-hydrates the epidermis and softens callus.

Mani / Pedi and the Rocks
80 minute treatment
A Manicure and Pedicure enriched with a vivacious exfoliation. Miniature volcanic rocks are placed between each finger and toe followed by a soothing rub with Aloe Vera Moisturizer.

Spa Etiquette

Appointments
In order for us to accommodate your individual needs we recommend you book your spa appointment at least 12 hours in advance. A room number, reservation number or credit card is requested to secure your appointments.

Cancellations
Should you need to re-schedule or cancel an appointment we need a minimum of four (4) hours notice or there will be a fifty dollar ($50) cancellation fee. No shows and late cancellations for any service(s) booked will attract the same fee per service.

Check In
It is recommended that you check in for your services at least ten (10) minutes in advance. This will allow you time to check in, shower, change and relax before your treatment. Late arrivals will not receive and extension of scheduled appointment.

Attire
For all body treatments you are fully covered or you may choose to keep on your underwear. During all services your therapist will cover you and only undrape the area to be worked on.

Spa Environment
To preserve the spa’s tranquility we respectfully request that you leave pagers and cell phones turned off. Smoking and alcohol are not permitted in the Spa or Fitness areas.

In Room Calls
For those who desire treatment(s) in the privacy of their suite, and additional service charge of $25.00 per person will be applied.

Get The Best Rates to Couples Sans Souci >>

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In the spirit of general sex-positivity, let’s talk about swinging. I see that among active participants, the words “swingers” and “swinging” are being replaced by “play couples” and “the lifestyle.” Either way, you’re talking about heterosexual couples exchanging partners with other couples for recreational sex. Sound like fun? Here’s some basic info about “the lifestyle”:

It’s couples-oriented. Single men have a tough time getting into most swingers’ events, although single women are often accepted.

It’s not just the Beautiful People. Most swingers are a bit older and, as in the rest of the world, while some are gorgeous hard bodies, many aren’t.

It’s mostly het sex. Bisexual behavior between women isn’t uncommon, but sex between men is clearly frowned upon.

It’s an organized sexual community. There are hundred of swingers’ clubs nationwide, according to the North American Swing Club Association (a.k.a. NASCA International). There is also an annual conference called “The Lifestyles Convention,” which drew over 3,000 people last year.

Like other sexual subcultures, the swinger lifestyle comes with its own lingo:

· Open Swinging: Having sex with someone else while your partner is present, frequently while they are also having sex with another person.

· Closed Swinging: Having sex with someone else, with your partner’s agreement but without them being present.

· Soft Swinging: Engaging in foreplay with someone else, and then returning to your own partner for actual intercourse.

· Off-Premises Party: Sex will not take place at the actual event, it’s for meeting and mingling only.

· On-Premises Party: Sex will be happening at the party.

Reference

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On our way home from dinner with friends, my wife and I enjoy talking about who among our friends we could imagine having sex with. These conversations get especially interesting when the woman I could imagine having sex with is married to the man my wife could imagine having sex with. Naturally, this raises the question of a “swap.”

Is there a protocol for suggesting to another couple that they entertain the idea of a “swap?” Or does it just require getting everyone really drunk?

Just Curious

Robert McGinley is President of the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA), has a Ph.D. in psychology, and has been called the “swingers’ guru” more times than he cares to remember.

“In my experience, it is not a wise idea, and rarely successful, to try to introduce one’s dinner companions to swinging unless you’re sure that couple is interested or already involved in swing activities,” Robert said when I shared your letter with him. “Good friends are hard to find, so why risk mucking up a friendship by making an advance? Also, if the other couple is shocked, they may tell others of your advance, affecting other friendships. Far better to go to a swing club, one that is couple-oriented, and make new friends who are already into swinging.”

Robert would give that advice, wouldn’t he? As the head of a trade association for swing clubs, it’s Robert’s job to direct horny married couples to NASCA’s paying members, and discourage freelance swinging. But conflicts of interest aside, I have to say I agree with Robert. When it comes to major kink–and swinging is major–it’s best to meet like-minded pervs through like-minded perv organizations or at like-minded perv bars or parties. At NASCA’s inevitable website (www.nasca.com), you’ll find listings for swing clubs all over the world. “Look up clubs in the state you live in,” Robert suggested, “and call the clubs that sound interesting.” I went online and found eight clubs where you live, JC.

What kind of people will you meet? “Couples involved in swinging are the cream of the crop,” said Robert–but again, Robert would have to say that. The head of NASCA is not going to say, “swingers are scum,” is he? But once again, I’m going to back Robert up: Some of my best friends are swingers, and some are the cream of the crop. “The last study I saw put the median age for men at 39, and 36 for women,” Robert said. “These people are married, they have careers, they have families. Swinging is a couples activity. They have their act together and know what’s what.”

But what if you’re attracted to one particular couple who aren’t swingers? Should you get them drunk–a move I recommend frequently–and make a pass? “Oh, boy, that is a no-no from the word go,” said Robert. “Even if it works, there can be a lot of repercussions once everyone sobers up. And why would you want to be drunk when you have sex? Getting drunk greatly inhibits the ability to be sexual. Swinging should always be entered into by knowledgeable, sober, consenting adults.”

This is where Robert and I part company. Yeah, yeah, yeah; everything should be entered into by knowledgeable, sober, consenting adults–but that’s not the way the world works when the world wants to get off, is it? My advice: Get your friends blasted and work swinging into the conversation. There’s a new documentary film about swinging called The Lifestyle, and it’s making the rounds on the festival circuit. See it, or claim to have seen it, and tell your friends about it–when they’re blasted. Without saying anything pro-swing or con-swing, feel your friends out on the swap topic. If they’re pro-swing, pounce–make that pass. If they’re con-swing, get ‘em a little drunker, and see if they don’t come around to a pro-swing position.

In addition to his many duties at NASCA, Robert also runs the Lifestyle Organization, whose 26th annual convention will be held in Reno, Nevada this weekend–where everyone will be stone-cold sober, no doubt. “There’ll be four dances,” Robert told me, “and seminars on sexuality, relationships, growth, and medical issues–and a lot of socializing.” But no drinking, of course. You can get more info about the convention by visiting–you guessed it–Lifestyle Organization’s inevitable website, www.lifestyles.org.

Before I let Robert off the phone, I had one more question: Has the late ’90s resurgence of swing dancing resulted in the North American Swing Club Association getting calls from people looking for dance lessons and not pervy, middle-aged married couples? “Yeah,” Robert said, laughing. “Not very many, but some. We tell them we’re not swing dancers. They laugh, say they’re sorry, and go away.”

My fiancé and I were frequently intimate when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. But since we got engaged, we haven’t done much. Any advice?

Really Curious

Don’t get married.

Have you heard of a gay sex practice called “decanting”? As it was told to me, one man catheterizes himself to empty his bladder, and then refills his bladder with wine to serve to guests at a very posh gay club. Is this real? While not universally appealing, urine is sterile and the bladder is a very clean place. Is a glass filled from the penis, or does it go directly into the mouth? Any light you could shed on this would be great.

Curious

No, I haven’t heard of “decanting,” nor have I heard of “mudslides” (gay men crapping and pissing in a room filled with dirt), nor “donkey punching” (gay men knocking their sex partners out with a blow to the back of the head as they fuck), nor “booger planting” (gay men with small penises fucking gay men with large noses in the nostrils), nor “pigs in a blanket” (gay men wrapping sausages in pancakes and serving them to friends with butter and syrup), nor any of the other bizarre and implausible “gay” sex practices straight people are absolutely obsessed with. Are any of these things “real?” Only in the imaginations of some straight people whose sex lives are so dull, they have to make up bullshit about mine.

Speaking of bullshit: Just Shoot Me star David Spade used the word “fag” in an interview with Playboy magazine, sending the fags over at the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation into a press-release writing frenzy. Spade joked that Just Shoot Me producers were constantly trying “to fag me up… [but] when I get too faggy, they have me make out with a chick.” GLAAD spokesfag Scott Seomin slammed Spade for using “derogatory” and “hurtful” terms, claiming “fag” and “faggy” are comparable to “racial or ethnic slurs,” and demanded that Spade apologize.

David, don’t worry about anything GLAAD says–most gays and lesbians don’t–and don’t apologize. If Scott Seomin didn’t find things to get upset about, he’d be out of a job. The vast majority of gays and lesbians use the word “fag” as a noun, a verb, and an adjective, and “fag” really isn’t comparable to racial or ethnic slurs like, oh, say, nigger or kike. Gays and lesbians have “Dyke Marches,” wear T-shirts with fruit jokes on them, and chant “fags and dykes and queers, oh my!” at demonstrations. The word is so commonly used by gay men that we can’t object when straight comedians use it too, and in the exact same way we do: not as a slur, but as a joke. Get over it, GLAAD.

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I spent this past weekend at an event called “Wet Spot in Paradise,” Wet Spot’s annual campout for the sex-positive community. I didn’t have any big scenes planned. I just wanted to hang out in the sunshine, gab with friends, and maybe meet some different people. Which I did.

You see, WSIP isn’t a strictly BDSM event, so some of the attendees were from what I sometimes think of as that other group of alt-sex folks: the swingers’ community. It’s funny: Since swingers and kinky people both catch shit from outsiders, you’d think that would make for camaraderie between us. But when we’re thrown together socially, sometimes it’s like the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. Over here, the swingers who think BDSM is sick and wrong. Over there, the BDSM people who find casual partner-swapping sleazy and shallow. We aren’t terribly friendly.

I admit I’ve been a bit dismissive about swinging. I went to some swing parties, and while nothing awful happened, I was left with an “is that it?” feeling. The sex seemed flat and mechanical, and I was put off by some swinger cultural norms. For example, in BDSM circles, it’s a faux pas–or worse–to touch casual acquaintances unless they’ve invited you to do so. I’ve verbally flayed strangers who put their hands on me without asking permission. Such reserve doesn’t fit well with swingers, who are given to lots of social touching, even with people they’ve just met.

So when the gentleman sitting beside me at the picnic table touched my leg several times in our first five minutes of conversation, I knew, without being told, that he was a swinger. But, hey, I was nice; I didn’t bite his head off. And I’m glad, because as we continued chatting, he told me about how he used to be extremely anti-BDSM. Then a sexy young thing said to him, “I’ll fuck you if you let me flog you.” After a short brain vs. cock struggle, he accepted and–surprise–he enjoyed it. It changed his whole point of view about kink.

It was an encouraging story, and his candor about his revised perceptions made me think I should be more open-minded about swingers. I’m still not sure swingers’ parties hold anything for me, but it might be worth another pass, just to see. Besides, I’m thinking I could make an offer to some of those Slytherin people that would bring them over to Gryffindor House. Hey, I’ve gotta be true to my school.

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It’s almost 2:30 in the morning.

I glance around the living room of a particularly lovely condo. On the couch, a woman lounges while a man licks her pussy. Another woman stands behind the couch, stroking the woman’s breasts. On the large ottoman, a woman is passionately engaged with two men. On a blanket in front of the fireplace, my husband’s face is buried between the legs of a beautiful brunette.

I know he’s hoping she’ll pull his hair-hard-as she orgasms.

Moans, cries, and other sounds can be heard from nearby bedrooms. Myself? I’m snuggling with two dear friends, exhausted but enthralled.

The party actually started earlier tonight in the large VIP room at the back of an upscale downtown nightclub. (Don’t worry, swingers, a reporter did not infiltrate our party. I’m a swinger, too, and my husband and I cherish our privacy and yours.) The room was reserved just for us, to protect the sensibilities and avoid the prying eyes of the nonswingers in the main areas of the bar. But by 10:00 p.m., with more than 100 couples packed into the back room, I didn’t think it looked significantly different from a regular Friday night at any other club.

But maybe I’m a bit desensitized.

It was too packed for much dancing, but several groups of women found ways to writhe and grind together in the crowd. The room was filled with short skirts, but there were very few pairs of panties. Looking around, I spotted at least three pairs of women in darker corners of the bar doing things with fingers and tongues to the darker corners of one another’s anatomies. I’ve heard that these sorts of things sometimes go on at Cowgirls Inc. and Tiki Bob’s, too, only without the “swingers” label.

This party was only the foreplay. It’s at these parties in bars or dance clubs that my husband and I go to meet people we find attractive. We talk and dance and perhaps negotiate what sorts of sexual activities we’d like to share, and then we head somewhere more private. It is often the female halves of couples who “seal the deal,” arranging for all four members of two couples to get together later to have sex. In fact, we’ve noticed that it’s increasingly common for the woman to have brought the couple into swinging in the first place.

Tonight, we left the club around midnight with a group of about 16 people and reconvened at the condo.

My husband and I have been in love since we met at college. We’re in our late 20s now, and we’ve been married for several years. We were sexually adventurous from the beginning, fucking outdoors, in windows, and in positions we’ve never seen replicated in any sex manual. Then in early 2003, we read a wide-eyed report by a writer who was investigating swinging. We were intrigued, and that article prompted us to take our first steps toward finding clubs, parties, and other couples.

We had some missteps early in our explorations. There were times when we didn’t firmly say “no” when approached by overly aggressive people. There were also times when we should have left a club or party, parties where some people weren’t using condoms or the door security was lax. We had to work to develop our own set of boundaries. And we learned to only push our boundaries when we’re ready, not when others pressure us.

What do couples get out of swinging? It varies. Some mostly-straight women find a safe outlet for their bisexuality. (I’m convinced that more and more married women are telling their husbands, “I love you, honey, but I need pussy, too.”) For other couples, it’s a way to fulfill each other’s fantasies, like a woman’s secret desire to have sex with several men at once or a man’s usually not-so-secret desire to have sex with multiple women.

What do we get out of it? My husband loves to experience different types of connections with different people, and he finds spontaneous sexual connections more rewarding than restrained cocktail-party conversation. I love to feel the sexual energy of a crowd swell. When I’m at the center of that swell, I feel my own sexual energy magnified and reflected back by everyone around me.

Otherwise, we’re a fairly normal young couple with normal jobs, a cute house near Green Lake, and interests other than swinging. Our lives only deviate from the mainstream straight-urban-couple lifestyle in our intense, expressive, adventurous sexuality.

One thing we learned early on was that real swingers’ parties bear very little resemblance to their film and television portrayals. The depictions of swingers parties you’ve seen on Nip/Tuck and Desperate Housewives, or in the 1997 film The Ice Storm, are totally inaccurate. Looking around the party, I am struck by just how different the swinging scene really is.

The most notable differences?

Everyone at the party is having fun. In most tales of swinging, one spouse has been coerced into it and the night usually ends badly as a result. Fights, tears, recriminations-I’ve seen none of that at tonight’s party.

Which is not to say that it doesn’t happen. Swingers describe couples where one partner has coerced the other into participating, or couples who participate due to a lack of sexual passion for each other, as couples with “drama.” Couples who are overly aggressive or who are insulted by perceived rejection can also cause tension. Swinging is not easy, and jealousy and rejection are real complications; they’re something my husband and I had to work through. But like many other couples, we’ve found that as long as you are genuinely caring for your partner, those complications can be overcome, and the personal benefits of swinging-should you desire them-are more than worth the effort.

Other differences between our party and the last one you saw on basic cable? No one is falling-down drunk. There are condoms strewn here and there-and they’re being used. And while I find everyone in the room attractive, we’re all just normal people. The 16 of us enjoying the afterparty aren’t the Hollywood types shown in Nip/Tuck, nor are we the unkempt-accountant stereotypes in Desperate Housewives. (Sorry, accountants.) We’re the cute couples who live down the street whose idea of a fun Friday night is more sexually charged than most.

Watching my husband with a beautiful woman’s legs wrapped around his head or his waist is a source of intense pleasure for me. He also loves watching me, when I’m in the center of one of those swells of sexual energy.

Earlier in the night, I was dancing with my ass pressed into the hips of an obviously well-endowed man and my legs entwined with those of a long, lean woman. I caught my husband gazing at me.

It was a moment of surprisingly sweet connection, as we both silently acknowledged our love for each other. I blew him a kiss. It was a promise that we would fuck like tigers later, just the two of us.

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March 10, 2009 | My wingman is outside on the back porch, chatting up a Grecian MILF with fake boobs. I hover near the dessert table, sipping a potent margarita and trying to follow as a married woman describes life as a social worker in an HIV clinic. She has no idea I’m judging her every word and action, each joke and cultural reference. I am assessing her husband as he looks on, too, and obsessing over what their clothing — his corduroy jacket, her baggy jeans — might say about them. My wingman returns from the porch without scoring even a phone number, and we bolt for the next party.

My wingman, for better or worse, is my girlfriend, but we’re not swingers. We are on the prowl for friends — because we don’t have any.

Last year, I relocated from San Francisco to Chicago to live closer to my family and girlfriend, and to escape the bicoastal rat race. It was a successful move in every way save one: I have almost no friends here. That is, none in the real world. My Facebook profile is bursting at the seams with hundreds of acquaintances, colleagues and contacts, many within walking distance. But I can count on one hand the number I’d even take out for a drink. So much for the brave new world of social networking.

I suspect my predicament is fairly common, if somewhat embarrassing to talk about. It’s even the inspiration for a new lowbrow comedy, I Love You Man, in which Paul Rudd plays a guy who gets engaged only to discover he has no one to be his best man. For me, part of the problem is that, like so many 20-somethings, I’ve moved metro areas four times in the past 11 years, leaving close friends and boxes of useless tchotchkes in my wake. This peripatetic lifestyle is compounded by the fact that my girlfriend and I don’t have traditional office jobs. She’s an artist who works out of a private studio. I’m a freelance writer. It’s great not to have a boss lurking over my shoulder, and to wear a robe and slippers to work most days. My after-hours life, however, has taken a serious nose dive.

So my girlfriend and I have embarked on a process akin to a platonic version of dating. Parties, for us, resemble nothing so much as speed-dating events. We search for friends of either sex, sending garbled nonverbal signals back and forth, waiting to gush about our new same-sex and opposite-sex crushes on the train ride home. I search for wedding rings on the fingers of women I like — not because I’m hoping they’re single, but because I’m hoping they’re not, and that maybe their husbands will be willing to double date.

One weekend morning, my girlfriend and I lie in bed with a laptop, searching sites like Craigslist and MeetUp for activity groups. We’re overwhelmed by the number of couples who like what we like, all posting profiles about themselves as they search for friends.

My girlfriend wants to volunteer at a green festival to meet new people. I’m more into the hiking clubs. Then we see a post by a woman wanting to trade nerdy theories about Lost. That’s us! We recently started watching the show. We love trading nerdy theories.

My girlfriend begins writing the woman an e-mail.

Wait, stop, I say. It’s too weird. We know nothing about this woman.

Are you sure? she asks. I mean, she likes ‘Lost.’ How weird could she be?

Before I met my girlfriend, I tried online dating on and off for five years. It didn’t seem strange. I’d spent tens of thousands of hours on the Internet, and as far back as adolescence, I’d log on to the old BBS’s (bulletin board systems), chatting late into the night. For some reason, though, online friend-finding feels icky. Weirdly taboo. When you’re looking for that special someone — or, say, a person willing to have sex with you — it seems natural to search using any means necessary. But is it that hard to find someone to sit and talk about a television show? Can these people really be this desperate? Are we really this desperate?

This is absurd, I say, and I shut the laptop.

I sometimes worry my social patterns are tending toward those of my father, a wisecracking physician who’s the life of every party he attends, but like many boomer males, has few close friends. Sure, he has his weekend golf buddies, and college and med school pals dotted across the country. But when my mom hasn’t liked the wife (or the husband) enough to make an effort toward socializing, my dad’s friendship usually fades away, overwhelmed by a gale of 12-hour workdays and family obligations. If he retired tomorrow with a datebook blank for the whole year, I wonder how he’d fill it.
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Until recently, I thought of myself as different, especially when it came to maintaining friendships with other men. I am not afraid to ask a guy out on a so-called man-date. I don’t need to use SportsCenter or an action movie or an indie rock show to overpower the supposed latent homoeroticism that some men attribute to one-on-one male socializing. I’m as comfortable talking about relationships with another dude as I am arguing about politics. But it seems the older I get, the harder it is to find new people to engage in these conversations.

I scan my Facebook news feed throughout the day, taking stock of the soap opera digest version of my friends’ lives and accomplishments, travails and oddities. Laura changed her relationship status to engaged. Ed joined the group People who don’t sleep enough because they stay up late for no reason. Paul just teabagged someone with the Super Poke application.

Who are these people, anyway? High school acquaintances with whom I lost touch before Titanic hit theaters and will never reconnect with outside the virtual realm. School classmates I’d love to meet for a drink, except they live on the other side of the world. Time slowly wrenches apart even the strongest ties, and phone calls start to feel like spoken versions of Facebook updates: My relationship status is this, my career status is that, my housing status has changed.

There is a vast gulf between vaguely keeping in touch with someone and actually sharing, experiencing, exploring and all the other things you give and get and take from a close friendship. I find it increasingly difficult to cross over that gulf with those I’m meeting now. It’s a poignant thing to be a full-grown human and realize you’re deficient in something that seems so effortless for children.

The night after my 29th birthday, I went to a bar up the street from my apartment. I’d just met this guy Andy through a long chain of mutual friends, and over time, our conversations slowly matured from basic biographies to life updates to, once in a while, topics of actual consequence. These talks echo my late-night college discussions — about politics and science and artistic creativity. The relationship may lead to nothing. It may lead to something great. But I know that Andy and his crew have given me a small sense of belonging — something I hadn’t craved so badly since I was a teenager.

As I walked into the bar, Andy yelled out Happy berfday! in an endearing, ironic, I’m-extremely-white-but-I’ll-talk-like-a-rapper sort of way. It was only a small gesture. But it felt better than all the Facebook comments, e-card, e-mail and voice-mail birthday wishes in the world.

This Lifestyles News Article Was Reported Here >

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COUPLES TOWER ISLE | Get The Best Rates to Couples Tower Isle >>

Couples Resorts is pleased to announce that upon completion of a $25 million renovation in March 2009, Couples Ocho Rios will reemerge as Couples Tower Isle. The new name is a historical reference to the resort’s beginnings as a private island paradise and a 1950s and 1960s Hollywood hangout.

Couples Tower Isle has undergone extensive and dramatic changes that include the addition of 20 accommodations – four suites and 16 rooms – all with ocean views. All of the resort’s 226 rooms will feature flat screen televisions. Some bathrooms will feature zero edge walk-in showers. Enhancements have been made to the main pool (including leveling the depth to 5.0 feet throughout and creating a new water feature utilizing the 1950’s-style diving board), lobby, piano bar, main bar and Le Gourmet, Verandah and Terrace dining rooms.

Building on the amazing inclusions, Couples Tower Isle will have brand new amenities include a new wedding gazebo, veggie and juice bar, pool grill, spa with 10 treatment rooms, swimming pool with swim-up bar, new dive pool, gym, aerobics room, photo shop, gift shop, games room, and a floating dock at the resorts’ own private island.

“With an investment of over $25 million in upgrades, enhancements and renovations, the time has come for a new era for the original all-inclusive resort for couples only,” states Lee Issa, Chairman of Couples Resorts. “To reinforce the storied history and old-world charm and emphasize our focus on the future, we feel the unveiling of our Grand Lady deserves a fresh start to carry on the legacy that is – Couples Resorts.”

Pioneered by the legendary Abe Issa, the hotel was originally built in 1949 as the Tower Isle Hotel – Jamaica’s first year-round resort and first beach resort. Tower Isle Hotel became an instant landmark and a haven for movie stars and celebrities in the 1950s and 1960s. Recognizing a market gap in the tourism sector, Issa charted a new course for the resort in 1978 by introducing a groundbreaking concept of an all-inclusive resort for couples only.

Hoping that history repeats itself, we are pleased to invite you to be the first to experience this romantic resort.

ALL INCLUSIVE | Get The Best Rates to Couples Tower Isle >>

In addition to finely appointed accommodations, gourmet meals, live entertainment every night, premium brand drinks, a world of water sports, gratuities and taxes, a stay at Couples Tower Isle offers the following exclusive benefits:

•    19 acres of beautiful beachfront property
•    226 romantic rooms & suites
•    Five unique restaurants:
•    Bayside pasta restaurant
•    The Verandah continental cuisine
•    Calabash island cuisine
•    Le Gourmet French restaurant
•    Beach Grill restaurant
•    Au naturel private island
•    Four bars, including Private Island & Piano Bar
•    Horseback riding
•    Watersports & Scuba
•    Glass-bottom boat tours
•    Dunn’s River Falls tour
•    Shopping excursions to Downtown Ocho Rios
•    Catamaran Cruise
•    Unlimited Golf (transfers and green fees included. Caddy mandatory at a nominal charge)
•    Shuttle to Island Village, home of Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville”

ROOMS & SUITES | Get The Best Rates to Couples Tower Isle >>

You’ll love the exquisite appointments at Couples Tower Isle. From a Superior Garden room to our Villas Suites, you’ll find all the amenities and options available at the finest luxury hotels.

DELUXE GARDEN

Spacious rooms with a splendid view of the lush gardens. Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower, Satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box. Nightly turndown service. Private balcony or patio. Recently refurbished. Located in the main building.

SUPERIOR OCEAN

Spacious rooms with romantic view of the Caribbean Sea. Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box. Nightly turndown service. Private balcony. Located in the South and West Wing.

DELUXE OCEAN

Rooms with romantic view of the Caribbean Sea and Tower Isle,. Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box. Nightly turndown service. Private balcony or patio. Recently refurbished. Located in the South, East and West wing.

PREMIER OCEAN
Rooms with unparallel romantic view of the Caribbean Sea and Tower Isle,. Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box. Nightly turndown service. Private balcony or patio. Located in the Main building.

ONE BEDROOM OCEAN SUITES

Spacious Suite with Separate living room (Sofa, chair & table) and splendid view of the ocean and Tower Isle. Air-conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower with Jacuzzi bathtub, bathrobes, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box. Refrigerator stocked with beer, wine, soda & Champagne (replenished daily). Nightly turndown service. Private balcony. Located in the main building.

GARDEN JR. SUITES

Beautiful jr. suites with sitting area and view of lush gardens. Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower with Jacuzzi bathtub, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box, bathrobes, refrigerator stocked with beer, wine, soda & Champagne (replenished daily). Nightly turndown service. Private Balcony. Located on the top floor in the main building.

OCEAN JR. SUITES

Beautiful jr. suites with sitting area and romantic view of the Caribbean Sea and Tower Isle. Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower with Jacuzzi bathtub, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box, bathrobes, refrigerator stocked with beer, wine, soda & Champagne (replenished daily). Nightly turndown service. Private Balcony. Located on the top floor in the main building.

VILLA SUITES

Very private villas, enclosed patio with plunge pool. Separate living room (sofa, chair & table). Air conditioned, King size bed, private bath/shower, bathrobes, satellite TV, CD player, blow dryer, safety deposit box., Refrigerator stocked with beer, wine, soda & Champagne (replenished daily). Nightly turndown service. Located in the gardens.

FINE DINING | Get The Best Rates to Couples Tower Isle >>

At Couples Tower Isle, you’ll enjoy a variety of dining options. From breakfast in bed to fine dining at one of the best restaurants in all of Jamaica, there’s something to please every palate.
Breakfast:
Enjoy open-air, beach-side dining at The Patio Restaurant. Choose from an array of tropical fresh fruits and juices, cereals, pastries and made-to-order specialties.

Continental Breakfast in Bed:
Enjoy breakfast in bed or on your private balcony. What better way to take in the sunshine?

Lunch:
Join us for lunch at The Patio Restaurant and pamper your palate with our buffet of delicious dishes

Dinner:
Transform dinner from a meal to an experience by choosing from the following five restaurants:

BAYSIDE

Our casual and candle-lit pasta restaurant situated on the sea. Make sure to request for reservations in advance to this spectacular restaurant.

THE VERANDAH

For those nights when you crave continental cuisine at its finest.

CALABASH
Get in touch with the true spirit and flavor of Jamaica in this open-air restaurant, which specializes in traditional island cuisine.

LE GOURMET
Make your reservations early to enjoy this award-winning French restaurant. From the ambience to the dining experience, everything is magnifique. Required Dress Code – [Ladies: "semi-formal" - Gentlemen: collar shirt, long pants, dress shoes / closed shoes]

THE BEACH GRILL
The place for 24-hour food service – with a laid-back twist. Enjoy casual fare in an easy-going atmosphere at all hours, and make your way to the adjoining terrace for a memorable meal under the stars.

SPA SERVICES

Couples Tower Isle offers an array of enticing spa services at reasonable rates. Enjoy rejuvenation and relaxation with the following indulgences at one of Ocho Rios’ premier spas:

* Swedish Massage
* Trigger Point Massage
* Deep Tissue Massage
* Sports Massage
* Aromatherapy & Deluxe Massage
* Facial Reflexology
* Body Wrap
* Body Scrub
* Body Polish

Our salon’s stylists are also available to pamper you. Services include manicures, pedicures, hair styling, hair conditioning and repair, waxing and hot towel shaves for men.

Get The Best Rates to Couples Tower Isle >>

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